What Can You Say NO to Tomorrow

What does it feel like to say no?
I mean not for things that we know will put us in danger, like no I will not drive recklessly or do something illegal but when we have to stand up for ourselves when it crosses our personal or moral boundaries.

When I was younger I would easily go along with things just so I didn’t rock the boat even if I didn’t particularly want to do something, I was called ‘easy going’ but on the inside sometimes there was resentment. And then when I did disagree or say no I don’t want to do that I was called selfish.

It’s interesting isn’t it, we can be seen as easy going and open to persuasion but when we actually do stand our ground or be courageous enough to enforce boundaries then we are the opposite.

And if you are someone that grew up with conflict or witnessing intimidation it’s easy to not want to rock the boat so when you are called selfish you back down and agree, therefore building even more resentment.

You could say that growing up in that environment leads you into those sort of relationships or that maybe you had to pretend to be nice a lot as a child to get access to school friendships and you don’t know how to have a give and take relationship.

I think I used to be somewhere in the middle, I wasn’t allowed to have school friends in my house growing up, I never had a birthday party or friends round for dinner. I had to make excuses all the time to my friends. So I would agree to doing whatever they wanted to be able to hang out with them.

Over the last 10 years or so, (after personal therapy and a lot of healing from my childhood) I started to say no to friends when it encroached on my boundaries or took energy from me that I would need days to recover from. I had pushback from those people and it made me realise how a lot of them were not equal friendships, I was doing a lot of giving and not much receiving ( mostly because they did not give)

So I had the courage to step away from those people, it’s not easy, especially when you realise how manipulated you have been.

So I want to say to you

It’s ok, you have permission to feel good about it, to know that you are stepping into more of who you are when you let go of people that don’t have your best interests at heart.

And when you know what you cherish in yourself and others you will deepen the connection in the friends and family that have rode the wave with you.