The Path to Self Love
Falling in love with you is not an easy path, and it doesn’t happen overnight. I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “you know what, I really love myself”
It took time, it took soul searching, it took facing up to who I really am deep down. Wading through all the weeds of self-doubt that had grown over the years. Planted by other people, planted by myself, planted by the society we grow up in. As I pulled up these weeds over time I could see more clearly, some of them grew back (as weeds do) and had to be removed a few times over until I got to the core of the root and it died off. Self-love is a practice you have to be vigilant about, to be sure a crack doesn’t appear for those weeds don’t take root in, a chance encounter when self-doubt can be planted if you don’t feel good enough.
It takes courage to fall in love with you; maybe that’s why it has become an insult. It’s easier than saying well done to someone who has something you would like. Your ego knows that it’s a rocky path so it says stick with me, I know best. It fears you shining a light on those weeds because it’s the garden it likes to grow, a broken path of crazy paving with weeds throughout.
Of course this journey of self-love is not always easy there are places on the way that you don’t want to check into, there are roads that you don’t want to go down and sometimes you think about staying right where you are. But the route gets clearer as you travel, not always easier but lighter, as if in the beginning you packed way too much luggage for your round the world trip and realised that you don’t need all this stuff after all. You can leave some of it behind in the not so nice places you check into, along the way you find things you didn’t even know you had in your bag, some you can use and some can be left behind. Sometimes we hold onto it ‘just in case’. But like anyone packing for a long trip thinking “Do I really need 5 pairs of shoes for 1 week?” you might need to ask yourself “is this way of thinking still serving me?”
Clearing those blocks to self love
There are a lot of people who use affirmations for self love. However I don’t think they work for everyone. It depends where you are at. If you are absolutely down and have no self love telling yourself I am good enough or I am loved is not going to work.
It’s just going to set up an argument between you or your ego. If you really don’t feel it, it will create thoughts like “no one loves me” “I’m not good enough to be loved”.
If you really don’t feel it on the inside, or know what it’s like to experience that feeling you will reject the affirmation. Using affirmations when you haven’t dealt with the underlying cause of the feeling is like trying to build a house when you haven’t cleared the rubble from the ground.
We actually need to get those things out of our bodies. If we hold on to those sad stories, those traumas, those things that have held us back they get stored in our bodies and expressed as illness or depression. So it’s really important that we are able to talk about it. Not in a way where we are complaining about it like look what happened to me, and being a victim without wanting change, just externalising blame is not helpful.
This is why Emotional Freedom Technique is so effective.
In EFT we believe that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption to your body’s energy system. So all of those negative experiences over the years are stored in your body, EFT tunes into the energy meridians and releases the disruptions.
So if you are constantly comparing yourself to others and not feeling good enough that feeling is coming from some related trauma in your energy system. It doesn’t have to be one big event, it can be years of little things where you was compared to others at school, at home or at work as you got older. You may have had an older sibling and was compared to them. Or in a school perhaps a friend got more attention than you, all of these get stored in our energy system. So as an adult we tune into those old feelings when we face situations where we may be compared to others. It may not even be apparent that’s what is happening in that situation.
When we are using EFT often people ask why we have to say negative statement while tapping, isn’t that reinforcing it? The reason we say them is for your body to tune into that emotion and where it is held in your body. We tap on the energy meridians as we say them so it can be located and released. If you can talk about it, you can tap on it to be released.
One of the most common themes that come up in barriers to self love is comparing ourselves to others and feeling like they do it better. I always say to people don’t compare your apples to somebody else’s oranges. We are all at different stages and you can only be where you are at.
If we clear the core emotions connected to not feeling good enough and needing approval from others we are more able to access the love inside of ourselves and know that we are worthy.
My personal journey with EFT has created a massive shift for me in helping me fall in love with myself.
Want to find out more about how I use EFT? Get my free 12 minute video guide here